#MyTinderSeries: Deciphering codes (or funny takes on crazy profile stuff)

After a couple of weeks online swiping left and left –I meant right *raised eyebrow*, I think I have an idea on the “Tinder lingo” in profiles and pictures. If you’re thinking about joining Tinder from reading my wonderfully hopeful posts (*snicker*), here are some of my observations (without Google’s help):

  • If a guy is hugged up on a woman in any of his pics and he does not explain who that woman is, that’s his wife/girlfriend. Look for a mentions of/hints at possible polyamory, being a throuple, or just being the other woman.
  • If a guy is “just looking for conversation”, he’s probably hoping that conversation will lead to casual sex. He’s also most likely married or already having casual sex with someone else.
  • Pics of clouds or vapors mean he’s a smoker, and he’s not going to quit for you.
  • If he has 1 pic, and it’s not his face, he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s on Tinder. Especially not his wife or his wife’s friends and co-workers.
  • If his pics are with famous people, his identity can be gleaned through what you know about the famous person.
  • Pictures with kids = the kids (and maybe the kids’ mother) come before you, his life is about his kids, he needs someone to help him with his kids, or any combination of the above.
  • If he has a pic of a motorcycle, he wants you to think he’s cool or a bad boy.
  • If he travels a lot and is looking for friends, he really wants someone local to have sex with.
  • If he’s hiking, lifting weights, ziplining, or says he’s into sports and outdoors = he wants skinny chicks ONLY.
  • If he’s got an American flag prominently in the picture and he’s not military, he’s probably a Trump Supporter.
  • I don’t know what the joke (or not) is about a guy mentioning that he’s tall–I see a lot of guys saying something like “because it seems to matter, I’m tall” like a lot of women have asked him how tall he is– but I’m going to say  that it’s a possible phallic reference. (One that’s not always accurate, btw.)
  • This one’s tricky–if he has a picture of a lawn/grass, he may smoke weed. Or he may have tried to take a selfie in his backyard while creating his profile and screwed it up. In my age range, it’s most likely the latter.

Have fun hunting!

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