#MyTinderSeries: Unmatching and Judgement

So, I noticed something weird my first couple of days on Tinder. My matches were disappearing. Of course as a newbie–and an old person–I thought it was something wrong with Tinder. Turns out it’s something wrong with me. Guys were unmatching me.

It’s a problem I’ve had for years. Over 40 years, in fact: I’m cute. Not sexy, or hot, or beautiful. Just cute. (For the Big Bang Theory fans, I’m the Bernadette in my group of girlfriends, and even though no one says it because I have such awesome friends, I know it.) I’m also Black and not a size zero. So, there’s that. But then, my photos should give you a clue of that. No need to unmatch because of that.

So, I had a conversation with one of my best guy friends about it.

Me:
I put myself on Tinder this week. I’m a masochist at heart.


Guy Friend:
Stop it. You are amazing just be careful always meet in public people can be crazy

Me:
These people are crazy.
I’m really just doing it for fun and to blog about it.
I don’t expect to meet anyone.

Guy Friend:
I have heard most people are looking to hook up on there

Me:
From what I can tell, yep.
I’ve been unmatched by half the people I matched with.

Guy Friend:
Assholes

Me:
Well if you’re just looking for sex… you like what you like. You know?

Guy Friend:
Yep and that’s not who u want anyway

Me:
No.
But getting laid does take the edge off sometimes.
I’m being silly. I only got 5 good hours of sleep last night.
(then, way later in the convo…)
I want a donut so bad right now. I hate being sleepy.

My take on the unmatch is fourfold:
1) Some of these guys have Tinder Plus and swiped right for every girl, and now their weeding out the ones they probably won’t get to sleep with (or realize they don’t want to sleep with).
2) They accidentally did it–one guy messaged me something, and then he was gone. I didn’t even have time to see the message. I don’t think he knew the power or permanence of the Unmatch. The Unmatch takes everything away, so messaging is a waste.
3) Guys just passing through my search location realized I’m not just a hookup/one-night stand girl.
4) I intimidate them–I’ve done this before IRL, so it’s nothing new. In the beginning, I was messaging “hi” to every guy I matched with, and I think speech actually scared them off. Some guys have not evolved beyond grunts and guttural utterances. I was in the middle of a conversation with a guy, and I asked him a question that required him to think. He unmatched us. I know I’m amazing, so it must be the guy’s hang-up. Even my friend said I was amazing.

The funny thing is, my friend didn’t know it, but I said that I was “amazing” in my profile. But being “amazing” and being “hot” are two different things. And most of these guys seem to want to light themselves on fire. It is “Tinder” after all. Guess I’m not a match. (Ugh. So corny. How is that not attractive? BTW: Isn’t my guy friend awesome?)

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