I’ve been having a lot of morbid (read: self-deprecating) fun with my antics on Tinder, and it has been just that… fun. People are crazy, and silly, and weird, and I am laughing so much.
But today, I had to put my foot down and be serious. Tinder Guy X, let’s call him TGX, and I were having a conversation about speed dating–past experiences, being speed date buddies, etc, when TGX decides to ask–out of the blue and in the weirdest way–if we should go out . (Edited for clarity (!?) and because I am a grammar nerd). We’re in the middle of the speed dating conversation when he asks:
TGX: So you don’t want me, right? (I think this is when he deviates from the previous conversation. But I respond about speed dating, because at this point I’m not aware he’s asking about us dating in general. Then:
TGX: Then we can go
Me: Yeah we can
TGX: OK. We are supposed to meet before August? (The August thing is from a conversation we had last week about seeing each other. See how a girl can get confused?)
(nonsense back and forth I won’t bore you with, because we were referring to 2 different conversations the whole time)
TGX: What other options than speed dating?
Me: Like everything else
TGX: Like what? Dinner or drinks and when (This is where I get a clue he’s trying to ask me out. But again, who asks somebody out like this?)
Me: Like whatever. That’s on you. I was just asking about being speed dating buddies.
Me: I wasn’t really thinking about actual dating at the moment.
TGX: Ok Dude be clear, u wanna meet me or not Final (This is where I get an Aretha “Respect” earworm. I am taken aback @ this point because clearly, this is not how you ask a woman out on a date. But I don’t go off. I should have, but I don’t. I’m thinking maybe I am taking this the wrong way. (I give the benefit of the doubt too much, sometimes.) )
Me: You’re talking about in general, not the speed date thing? (I ask this because I want complete clarity from him and (really) because I am mentally counting backwards from 10 to avoid cursing him out, not because I am dense. At least not here.)
(I agree b/c I want to see where this is going)
TGX: Ok when and where
Me: You asked me, that’s on you
TGX: (names a place, but no time or day) Or u say if u have something in mind.
**At this point, I’m flashing back 15-20 years ago when I let guys talk to me like this. I thought at that time that by being agreeable, 1) I could experience social things I wanted to experience, 2) guys would be more interested in me, and 3) guys would realize what a wonderful person I was and cherish their time with me. What happened instead was that guys just realized they could talk to me any kind of way, and they did. I was not being agreeable, I was being a doormat.
When you allow behavior like this from anyone, they will keep pushing this behavior as long as you allow it. What they are doing is pushing down your demand for respect. While not everyone should be trusted upon first meeting, everyone should be respected as a human being unless they prove otherwise. Do not let people disrespect you. Ever. Auntie Aretha says so. I say so. And of course, we know. 🙂 So I said,
Me: If you want to properly ask me out, you need to get a plan together, and when you’re done, ask me in a complete thought. I deserve that. 🙂 I’m a respectable woman
Yes, it took me a minute to realize what was going on. And then it took another minute to compose myself. But I remembered who I was. Always remember who you are no matter where you are (Tinder, real life, wherever)– you are a person who deserves respect.