For some reason, I’ve been watching The Gilmore Girls reruns to end my job search work days. The reruns come on at a great stopping time, but other than that I have no idea why l gravitate to watching what amounts to a very angsty show on top of an already stressful moment-searching for a job in a horrendous job search landscape.
However, one day as I was watching, the episode where Lorelei asks Luke for money to get her inn started came on. She was in a dire straight, but she didn’t ask her grandmother or her parents, because we all know how that can be (and Lorelai already had a debt and a strained relationship with her folks). So after a very tense dinner (when is it not?) with her grandmother and her parents, she heads back to Stars’ Hollow to meet with Luke. The meeting ends up with her in tears and yelling “I’m failing!” This is not like we’ve ever seen Lorelai before: not cracking a joke at screwed circumstances, but processing and coming up with a negative life assessment.
It struck home with me in a couple of ways. Lorelai says she wishes at times like those she had a husband, not because she didn’t have a great life already, but because having someone there would only help. She says, “Every now and then, I wish I had a partner. Someone to pick up the slack, to wait for the cable guy, to make me coffee in the morning.” These aren’t major requests, but they obviously mean a lot to her.
The trope I love so much
I feel her. Having someone who’s in your corner who’ll help “pick up the load” for you when you’re in your lowest times has got to be so helpful and freeing. This hasn’t been the first time that I’ve been in job search mode, but each time, I think about how much easier it would be to find a job without having to worry about losing my house or my healthcare (currently looking in the Marketplace for that amid a government shutdown) while I’m looking, which is always longer than it should take for the amount of skills and experience I have.
To know that you have someone who can do the heavy lifting at a time when you feel vulnerable and like a failure – even though you’re not – can surely make a stressful period less so. It’s hard to move forward when there are both financial and emotional burdens pulling you down. Having someone in your corner to lighten the load is a relief.
Why my heroes are extra cinamon-rolly
But this also struck home with me in my writing. My love interests and MMCs all have the “he cares for her” trope in some form or fashion. Either they’re going to fight for their loves, or care for their loves when they’re sick or hurt. It’s really just a part of their personalities more than it is a trope.
Jason will – and so far has – knock anyone out that messes with Fortune. It’s just an instinct for him. Owen will run to the ends of the Earth for Makayla even if they’re not speaking. And some of my other heroes I have planned show their supportive side in other ways. It’s part of the blueprint of the cinnamon roll hero for me. Yes, the guy shows his feelings, but those feelings are always that he adores his woman, and he’s going to support her in whatever way he can.
My heroines are my wish fulfillment
It’s also another reason why most of my heroines are Black women. So often we are asked to bear the burdens of life without help or support. In many cases, we are the support for others. And even while we’re suffering, we’re expected to help others and be kind and genial to others. We’re not allowed to fail. If we do, everything fails around us, and we’re the cause.
Black women need to know that they deserve not only love, but that they deserve kindness and support, and they can live the “soft life” too. While I love superhero movies and shows, Black women don’t always need to be Superwoman.
